What to Talk About With Your Therapist

Imagine this:

You enter the room (whether physical or digital) and you’re greeted by a smiling face — your therapist. 

You’re feeling anxious, but somewhat ready. Hopeful, even. You’re asked to get comfortable in your chair and your therapist starts off with some lighthearted conversation. Until eventually, they ask this question:

“So, what’s been on your mind lately?”

This is how we start a session at Be Kind Counseling. We want you to feel like you’re chatting with a friend rather than a cold, clinical professional who will dissect your every word. 

With that in mind, therapy is led by you. We can only discuss what you decide to bring (or not bring) to the conversation. 

And to make any sort of progress, and eventually (hopefully) some breakthroughs, you have to start by simply talking. 

But what do you talk about with your therapist? Where do you even start?  

Once you find a NJ psychotherapist, they’ll be eager and ready to listen to your story, if you’ll let them. 

If you’re at a loss for how to start the conversation or what topics you can discuss with your therapist, allow us to walk you through the ones we believe can be the most impactful: 

Day to Day Routines & Stressors 

For starters, you can share what’s happened during your week. 

We mentioned this above, but it’s true. A question we like to start off with is, “so tell me what’s been on your mind lately? How’s your week been?”

Nothing is off limits. What you packed for lunch that week, interesting people you noticed in the subway, projects you’re involved in at work or school, are all valid.

As you recount your week, you’re more likely to share about the things that may be causing you some stress. This is important, because stress can be directly related to anxiety and depression.

A quick note here: the most common external contributors to our daily stress are work, school, family, romantic relationships, and friendships. 

Perhaps you’re a mid-career professional and your responsibilities are more than you can handle. Maybe if you’re a student, the stress of school and finals could be causing you to push yourself a little too hard.

Do you have family or relationship conflicts that keep coming up? What kind of conversations are you having with them? How do those conversations make you feel? 

With any of these topics, get as detailed as you want. 

The more context you give your therapist, the more they can find patterns and sort through your stressors. 

Your Personal Triggers

When talking to your therapist, you also have the freedom to share anything that may be triggering to you.  

Triggers are always an individual experience. But think of triggers as overwhelming feelings of anxiety, depression, or panic. They can cause loss in sense of time, space, or sense of self.

Anything can be a trigger. Places, sights, smells, touches, people — even certain foods can elicit triggering thoughts or reactions. 

At first, you may not know what your triggers are or if you have any. It may be that something makes you feel unwell, but you aren’t aware why or what’s causing it. 

Validate any emotions, thoughts, or reactions you may have and share them — whether or not they seem important. 

This helps your therapist identify what triggers you may have so you can better self-regulate in any given situation. 

Past or Current Traumatic Events

To take the conversation about triggers even further, any triggers could be (and usually are) linked back to a traumatic event. Knowingly or not.  

Most people see traumatic events through the lens of sexual assault, abuse, childhood neglect, violence — and these are serious offenses that shouldn’t be taken lightly. 

However, trauma also refers to the exposure of certain incidents or any series of events that were emotionally disturbing to that individual. 

And similar to triggers, what is considered traumatic will vary from person to person. 

If you’re the victim of a traumatic event, we understand this makes it harder to share. You have a real and felt traumatic experience. It’s painful, and it brings up a lot of emotion. Yet here you are, on the other side. And you are so much stronger than you know. While you are encouraged to share, there is no rush. Give yourself as much time as you need.

In general, any feelings of dissociation, flooding or intrusive thoughts, and full-body reactions to things will eventually uncover the traumatic experiences behind them. And therefore, you can begin the process of you working through them.

Childhood Memories

Some traumatic events may have taken place in childhood. 

There are certain childhood memories that stick with us. They make an impression on who we are and how we interact with the world around. We’ll even remember details like the yellow cotton T-shirt we wore the day a traumatic event happened. Self-esteem issues can also stem from how childhood friends or family made us feel in the past.

Any memories or feelings like this are examples of things you can share with your therapist. 

While some childhood memories can be traumatic to think about, not all of the childhood memories you share have to be. There is just as much power in sharing positive memories from childhood. Meaningful friendships, hobbies, field trips, play dates, family vacations are all worthy experiences to bring up in conversation!

Whether you share positive or negative childhood memories — sharing them brings clarity on the values and goals in life that matter to you most. 

Your Goals and Values in Life

And finally, the last thing we recommend you talk about with your therapist are the goals and values you have in life. What do you want to accomplish with therapy or after therapy? What is motivating you right now? What would you like to be motivating you in the future?

Anxiety and depression can be heightened when we set unrealistic goals, whether they’re related to our health, work, or relationships. Overstretching our capacity, over time, does more harm than good. 

Because when we don’t reach those goals, thoughts of failure, feeling incapable, and negative self-talk can all start flooding in. 

And you know what? That’s called being a normal human person. We’ve all experienced this before.

So go ahead, share these emotions with your therapist, too. 

They’ll guide you to set realistic expectations, within a timeline that works for you, so you can accomplish meaningful goals toward a better quality of life. 

Talk to Your Therapist When You’re Ready

Here’s to you, my friend, as you work through the daily stressors, triggers, traumas, childhood memories, and life goals. We hope you’ll be aware of the compassionate presence a therapist can bring. And we also hope you’ll know there’s courage in taking just one step forward in healing, one conversation at a time. We’re here waiting, ready to listen whenever you are ready. Start the conversation by reaching out here.