Navigating Grief and Ways to Cope

Jul 16

“What is grief if not love persevering?” –Vision, Wandavision

Grief is a complex and complicated emotion. It is the kind of feeling that is almost indescribable to explain to others, though we will all experience loss in our lifetime. Part of what makes it feel so complicated is that it really is not just one feeling or emotion. It is anger. Sadness. Guilt. Disappointment. Loneliness. Nostalgia. It is all of these and more.

Compounded by those feelings, you are also learning to navigate your life without someone or something that made such a significant impact on you. This impact could be positive or negative, which in turn, can also affect how you experience grief.

Grief and loss is something that you can experience when losing a loved one, but it can also happen when a relationship ends (could be romantic, but it does not have to be), a change of job occurs, you or a loved one experiences serious illness, a loss of financial security happens, graduating from school, moving to a new place, or leaving your home. We can experience grief for a number of reasons, situations, or events. This can affect how we experience our grief as well as how it impacts us.

“If heaven's grief brings Hell's rain, then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday”— Fall Out Boy, Just One Yesterday

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross was a psychiatrist who published a book called “On Death and Dying” in 1969 that is often widely referenced in discussions of grief. In her book, she discusses five stages of grief. Over time, these five stages have developed into seven stages.

Shock and Denial
This stage of grief is a feeling of disbelief. Oftentimes, you may feel numbness or indifference. It is hard to process that you are actually experiencing what you are experiencing.

Pain and Guilt
This stage of grief is a feeling of hurt. The pain from your loss can feel overwhelming, even unbearable at times. You cannot help, but think of how you could have behaved differently in certain circumstances. Guilt can enter your mind and cause you to analyze past actions, behaviors, and words in regards to the loss.

Anger and Bargaining
This stage of grief is a feeling of rage and vulnerability. Your anger feels powerful and it could be directed towards anyone. The loss feels unfair. You try to find ways to reason or find logic to explain the loss. You might feel helpless and desperate; grasping for straws to somehow change things. “If only” or “what if” can be frequently used in your vocabulary during this time.

Depression
This stage of grief is a feeling of sadness and loneliness. During this stage, you might be isolating yourself more because your emotions feel heavy and you are figuring out how you want to cope with your loss. Things may feel pointless or confusing. You may struggle with your identity because you do not know how you are without this person in your life.

The Upward Turn
This stage of grief is a feeling of returning to calm. It feels like the eye of the storm for some. You begin to adjust to the changes in your life as this becomes your new normal. At times, you are able to begin to relax as feelings of anger, pain, and sadness subside.

Reconstruction and Working Through
This stage of grief is a feeling of determination. You start to take stock in your situation and evaluate your next steps. You think about how you are going to rebuild your life after this loss.

Acceptance and Hope
This stage of grief is a feeling of faith and confidence. This is when you have accepted that your life has changed and you are starting to behave in ways that accommodate for these changes. You do not instantly feel happier or optimistic, but you do feel hopeful for the future. You know that there will be good days and bad days, but you are learning to deal with them.

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” – Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, Death: The Final Stage of Growth

Although we have these stages, grief is not a linear process. It would seem easier if once we experienced one stage, we simply moved on to the next and then the next to continue on our journey until we reach a state of acceptance and hope that we stay in for the rest of our lives.

Though it is a pleasant thought, most people will experience the stages of grief in any order and revisit stages that they have previously experienced. The grief process is not the same for everyone. The length of time, the stages you experience and in what order is not something that anyone can predict. You might even experience different stages simultaneously.

Part of navigating grief and loss is learning and implementing different coping strategies to help manage and regulate your emotions. Some ways to cope with grief and loss are:

Joining an online or in person grief support group; this allows you to connect with others who are experiencing similar circumstances to you.
Talk with caring family, friends, and loved ones; opening up to the people who care about you can be comforting and helps provide some relief.
Taking care of yourself by exercising, eating healthy, and getting regular sleep; oftentimes, when we are experiencing overwhelming emotions such as grief, it is difficult to take care of our basic needs. Prioritizing these things can help you feel physically and emotionally better.
Trying not to make major changes right away; when we experience a major change in our lives, like experiencing a major loss, sometimes it can feel empowering to make big changes to quiet the emotions that we are feeling. This may provide temporary relief, but could lead to us making changes in our life that we did not truly believe in.
Treating yourself with kindness and patience; it is important to continue being nice to yourself and acknowledging that you are going through a difficult time while doing the best that you can do.
Reach out for professional mental health support; sometimes, the things listed above provide enough support, but for some, it is not enough. Professional mental health can provide you with a space to process your emotions.

Grief and loss can be incredibly isolating. When you are struggling to process your grief, it can be difficult to talk about. There is no shame in the things you are feeling and you do not have to go through this alone. Sometimes, even when we have the support and love of others in our life, it is not enough. Seeking out professional help can be such a pivotal tool for anyone wanting to process these feelings.

Grief therapy is a form of therapy that focuses on helping people process their emotions and experiences through the different stages of grief after experiencing a loss. Grief therapy helps you adjust to life, work through the pain and emotions, accept the loss you experienced, and maintain a connection with the person or thing you lost.

Help is out there, no matter what kind of grief and loss you are experiencing. There is nothing too small or too large to seek support on. There are professionals who specialize in this specific kind of counseling, some who also work for our practice. If you think that someone at Be Kind Counseling would be a good fit to support you with the grief and loss you are experiencing, you can book a 20-minute consultation with us here .

Reaching out for help when you are struggling does not feel easy, but doing so in spite of the difficulty is brave and we are here and ready to listen.